The plum-cake Monster

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T15:53:00.004-04:00

For Dad

2011-10-09T16:26:00.004-04:00

Pipe, Pipe tool, Lighter.

Pipe tobacco.

All photos taken on my new deer blanket.
Reminds me of home....
Where the deer and the antelope play*....
*Coon-hunters and TN Vols...

Phresh Ink

2011-09-25T11:55:00.003-04:00

Quote from Allen Ginsberg's Howl.

RIP, Amy.

2011-07-25T15:31:00.009-04:00

That syrupy, sorrowful voice sank into my heart with a single beat. It won't leave so easily.

You are an icon whose life was bigger than her death.
That beehive and dramatic winged eyeliner left an impression on me at a young age.
When I was 14, Rolling Stone featured you in an interview. I read it dozens of times and kept it by my bed. I was fascinated by your personality and talent.

You always said it best.

Antoinette's Revolution Cosmetics Review

2011-07-12T11:17:00.008-04:00

I recently ordered six eyeshadows from ARC cosmetics and I love them so much that I am going to do a review.

Edit: I forgot to say that ARC is cruelty free (no animal testing) but not vegan. This means that some shadows may contain parts of beetle shells, little red shrimp, or other such creatures. The eyeshadows are clearly marked "vegan" or "not vegan" so you can buy only vegan if you wish.

I believe I first saw this brand on Beauty's Bad Habit blog. I was immediately drawn to the brand for these reasons:
1. Cruelty free indie makeup is my favorite.
2. I love anything French.
3. I love anything morbid.
4. I love History.
I bought six sample jars to test out the colors. I am going to order some more samples and at least one full size soon.

Upon first opening the package, the personal touches of indie brands were obvious.
I love the addition of the personalized message, ribbon, and pin.
The jars were also very well packaged to prevent loose shadow explosions in the mail.
They were in a plastic bag, shrink wrapped, AND had paper sifter seals.

Now, paper sifter stickers can be a pain. Ever tried to remove a bar code sticker from something and just end up with shreds of paper and a sticky mess? My solution is tweezers.
Gently pull the edge and it should come off clean.

Swatch time:

Duchess, Liaisons, Louis

Velvet Rose, Gangrene, Patina

I used Velvet Rose on my lid and Ladies in Waiting (free sample) to blend it out. Velvet Rose is such an amazing color. It almost becomes a different shade where it is blended out (difficult to photograph) so fewer shades are needed to create a fantastic look with it!
I love all sorts of reds and oranges (probably because of my hair). I know a lot of people think reds will make them look ill or dead but with a bit of eyeliner the crypt look fades. I've always liked the eerie look of reds alone, though.

See? I don't look dead. Dead people don't smile.

I love this company and I love watching them come out with new colors (usually one every week). Check them out!

Technical Difficulties and Prune Balls

2011-07-10T10:40:00.008-04:00

You guyyyyyyyyyyyysssssssss. My camera says my memory card isn't formatted to it. It's the same memory card I've always used and now it's being a butt. Can any of you help?

I've wanted to do WIAW but....I can't take pictures. I made Banana Bread Pancakes for Pancake Sunday today but I couldn't photograph it. :(

Well, I've had a post saved for a while and I suppose this is a good time to use it.
This is a simple dessert or snack. I like to always keep some sort of thing like this around to satisfy sweet cravings.

I obviously have a knack for naming things....or I have just been inspired by Chef and Mr. Schweddy. At least I didn't call them "Prune-y" Balls....uh, I'm just going to get to the recipe now.

Prune Balls

Ingredients:
1/2 c rolled or quick oats
1/2 c prunes, packed
3 T nut butter, smooth or crunchy
Mini chocolate chips (optional)

Directions:

Put oats and prunes in food processor and pulse until they clump together
Add nut butter and pulse to combine
Stir in chocolate chips
Form into balls
Store in the freezer

Sometimes I like to put a peanut butter or butterscotch chip inside. Kinda like a little bon bon.

June Favorites

2011-07-01T14:26:00.005-04:00

I went home for a while for father's day/my birthday and I remembered my camera....but forgot the USB cable. So...sorry about that. Now my camera has decided it doesn't like my memory card...so I must fix that.

BUT I have a new series for you. It's a monthly favorites series. Each month I will list my favorites in different categories. I'm just going to get right into it because I think it is pretty self explanatory. Tell me if you like this sort of post and what other favorites you may want me to include!

Meal
Ice cream breakfast bowls!

New Food Purchase
Silk unsweetened almond milk.
Silk has the thickest, smoothest almond milk (none of that "did I just put water in my cereal?" business) and now it comes unsweetened!

Snack
Prune Balls
(recipe soon)

Music
Peaches!!!!!!!
Check her out!

Makeup
Shiro Cosmetics
I bought some things from them but my camera ate the pictures.... Soon?

Clothing
High-waisted shorts
I got these from a thrift shop and cuffed the bottom.

Activity
Game boy Color!
When unpacking things at my dad's new house I found the ol' game boy as well as my Link's Awakening and Pokemon Blue games.....you know I brought it back with me....

I love you, Daddy

2011-06-19T10:24:00.003-04:00

I love you and everything you do for me and my brother...and O'Malley

You are truly a wonderful father.
Happy Father's Day

20 Years Gone By

2011-06-17T11:39:00.004-04:00

It's my 20th birthday.
I feel old.

I drowned my sorrows in some celebratory Breakfast Ice Cream. I added some vanilla to this batch, a very good idea.
I took a picture to show you what it should look like before the almond milk.*
If you use cookie dough almond butter as the nut butter, it's like cookie dough ice cream.

I put icing and sprinkles on it since there will be no cake today.

The good thing about getting older?

No one is there to tell you ice cream and cookie dough aren't for breakfast.

*I forgot to note that you will need to allow the bananas about 5-10 min to thaw a bit before you can mix them in.

The Perfect Summer Afternoon

2011-06-16T18:32:00.005-04:00

I have spent my vacant hours in the pages of this book as of late.

Cranberry flavor pack in my water and nooch on my popcorn.

I hope your day has been peaceful, my loves.

Kittie

Hold on to your Pants...

2011-06-14T10:00:00.006-04:00

...this is the best summer breakfast ever invented. Oh, and it's vegan.

I will start by saying that I hate overnight oats. No matter how many times I make them, I want to gag. I thought it was the fact that they were cold. This has changed that thought.

This is not overnight oats. Nothing like it.

This is ice cream for breakfast. Now, I would never name something "cookie dough" or "ice cream" if it tasted anything less than the real thing. Dates + cashews + chocolate chips, ground and rolled into balls are delicious but they are NOT cookie dough. That's a Larabar.
This is ice cream.

Well, the texture is not.
But the taste.
Oh, goodness.
Spot on.
(The key is the frozen banana. Do not sub anything else for this....unless it's a scoop of ice cream...which is an idea that I support)

Look.

It is important.
I am interrupting my eating of this bowl just to tell you about it.

here we go...

Ingredients:
1/2 c oats (rolled or quick)
dash of salt
1/2 tsp sweetener (optional)

2 tsp almond butter (or other nut butter, pb would make it pb ice cream....next time)
1/2 frozen banana
3/4 c almond milk
1 Tbsp Chocolate chips (or ice cream topping of choice. I enjoy pecans as well)
Directions:
1. Mix first three ingredients in a bowl and then mash in the banana and nut butter. This will make a crumbly paste. (The bananas need to have thawed about 5-10 minutes before this so they are mush-able)
2. Pour almond milk over it and sprinkle on toppings.
Nom time!

I Hope I Remember how to do this.....

2011-06-12T10:52:00.008-04:00

...and I hope you all forgive me. I understand if you don't. Sometimes when one of my favorite bloggies drops off the planet I feel like a friend is neglecting me (over-involved much? Yeah.)

I will tell you where I have been and why I haven't come running back before this:
I take 18 hours during the school year and work.
Final exams and essays consumed me.
I had a 3 week summer class that was the same amount of work as a 4 MONTH class.
I finished that class a week ago, the next day I woke up with an AWFUL rash:
I mean, truly miserable. I'm allergic to my new sunscreen, Hawaiian Tropic Sheer Touch, SPF 50.
(I've know others to also have bad reactions to this, watch out. It also isn't the natural kind that uses Zinc Oxide.)

I had to get a shot of cortisone and take prednisone for a week. So now my rash is clearing up. I am working but it's online so....I can relax and blog. But what to blog about?

"Uh, Kittie, this is a food blog."
Yes it is. But I made it when the only thing I could think about was food because I keeping myself FROM food. I still think about what I eat but I am much less concerned with it now. I love it, I enjoy it. But now I LET myself enjoy it without (nearly as much) of the guilt. I also don't binge at all anymore. That is a wonderful feeling. I can control myself without being controlling. Good.

"Where are you going with this?"
I want to talk about other things. Books, plays, poetry. I am freak for literature. My blog is named for an obscure Through the Looking Glass reference. This is because I love books, not because I'm trying to be cute. I also have a great interest in Cruelty Free and Vegan makeup, for instance. I also have a deep-set interest in a few social/political topics. I have opinions.

"And?"
Let's move into a cruelty-free lifestyle blog.

I might ramble about Shakespeare. But I will try to tell you what tea I was drinking at the time.
I may loose readers. I may not do it for long. I may do it for years. Let's just see.

Oh, and I still eat food:

Like my pretty little oatmeal bowl today:
CCK's Blueberry Pie Pancakes (made with brown rice flour):
Tons and tons of unpictured cereal...for breakfast....dinner...snack...wtvr.

But not for lunch. Always PBJ or salad for lunch....
...or a snack plate.
And for dinner I have been loving baked tofu.
(It's there, hiding under the nooch-y kale chips)

Whoops

2011-05-14T20:55:00.002-04:00

I missed the 1-year anniversary of my blog....whoops.
It was 4 days ago.
I've been in my home town for about a week. (kill me.)
I'll be back "home" (read: college town) tomorrow to start a summer class on Monday.
I've moved to an apartment with a full kitchen.
My class is only one month, I will have three more months of summer to cook.
Will I cook just because I have time?
Summer is salad season....I'm just being honest.

<3
Kittie

Easter Holiday

2011-04-20T21:43:00.006-04:00

I may not believe in Jesus zombies but I do believe in bunnies. And long weekends. And spring. And baking.
I made Mama Pea's sugar cookie dough balls into snickerdoodles...
and a few sprinkled ones.
My nails are pretty awesome.

There's a bunny.

Kittie Wins...or Looses....

2011-04-09T10:56:00.003-04:00

For dinner last night I had three glasses of.....
A few stolen......
and a bowl of Euro tart.....
Don't hate.

This is what happens when a hermit socializes with normal people:
Everything on the menu is either NOT vegan (read: turkey and bacon grilled cheese) or fried (or both). And then a really sweet friend buys said hermit frozen yogurt.

I put teddy grahams, boba, and blueberries on my frozen yogurt...and that was a win.

0% nutritional value in my chemical laden dinner? Loose. I went to bed feeling a little funky but proud that I actually socialized.

Success.

Vendredi de Vernis à Ongles_OPI Atomic Orange

2011-04-01T06:00:00.004-04:00

Vendredi de Vernis a Ongles = Nail Polish Friday (in French)

Atomic Orange is a creme polish that appears coral in some lights. It is a very wearable orange for daytime and work appropriate.
The orange matches my new cereal bowl from Target.
In the bowl: bran flakes, cheerios, PB filled banana, blueberries, granola sprinkle and almond milk.

Kitten's Lit Pick of the Week_"The Eve of St. Agnes"

2011-03-31T18:12:00.003-04:00

The Eve of St. Agnes, John Keats

26
Anon his heart revives: her vespers done,
Of all its wreathed pearls her hair she frees;
Unclasps her warmed jewels one by one;
Loosens her fragrant bodice; by degrees
Her rich attire creeps rustling to her knees:
Half-hidden, like a mermaid in sea-weed,
Pensive awhile she dreams awake, and sees,
In fancy, fair St Agnes in her bed,
But dares not look behind, or all the charm is fled.

Soon, trembling in her soft and chilly nest,
In sort of wakeful swoon, perplex'd she lay,
Until the poppied warmth of sleep oppress'd
Her soothed limbs, and soul fatigued away;
Flown, like a thought, until the morrow-day;
Blissfully haven'd both from joy and pain;
Clasp'd like a missal where swart Paynims pray;
Blinded alike from sunshine and from rain,
As though a rose should shut, and be a bud again.

...

Beyond a mortal man impassion'd far
At these voluptuous accents, he arose,
Ethereal, flush'd, and like a throbbing star
Seen mid the sapphire heaven's deep repose
Into her dream he melted, as the rose
Blendeth its odour with the violet,---
Solution sweet: meantime the frost-wind blows
Like Love's alarum pattering the sharp sleet
Against the window-panes; St Agnes' moon hath set.

Tis dark: quick pattereth the flaw-blown sleet:
"This is no dream, my bride, my Madeline!"
'Tis dark: the iced gusts still rave and beat:
"No dream, alas! alas! and woe is mine!
Porphyro will leave me here to fade and pine.---
Cruel! what traitor could thee hither bring?
I curse not, for my heart is lost in thine
Though thou forsakest a deceived thing;---
A dove forlorn and lost with sick unpruned wing."

...

Read the entire poem here.

A tale of filth whose "hero" is a thief of innocence.

I'm writing an essay on this right now because it is my favorite Keats narrative. A few men in my class read it as a voyeuristic "man's" poem. If one is truly a critical reader of Keats, he will see that Madeline has strength and control until she is encroached upon in her dream state. It is written for neither man nor woman.

Tummy Time Tuesday_SF Magick Squares

2011-03-29T18:42:00.007-04:00

Quick story:
I'm the Magick Square Queen. It's one of the first things I ever made well, and I kept making them...verrry well. I don't want to consider the calories nor the sugar content of a "real" magick square.
(I spell it with a "k" because when I was first baking at age 12 I also believed myself a witch and dabbled in wicca and sorcery and the like....the "k" is common in wiccan texts.)

Embarrassing childhood phases aside.....remember Gollum Grub? Probably not, it was one of my very first posts and that was a spin off of my Magick Square recipe. Here is another that is vegan and sugar free unlike any I have made before...just as delicious.

Ingredients:
1c oat bran
1/2c rolled oats
1 mashed banana
1 (14oz) can unsweetened coconut milk
1c unsweetened Baker's chocolate, chopped (this may be too much for you, add other chocolates due to your taste)
1c chopped dates
1 1/3c flaked unsweetened coconut
1 c chopped nuts (I like a mix of pecans and walnuts)

Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 350F. Mix oat bran and rolled oats. Set aside 1/3c coconut.
2. Mash banana and heat in microwave 30 seconds, add to oat mixture and combine as well as you can.
3. Press into bottom of 9x13in pan.
4. Pour 1/3 can of coconut milk on top and spread to even out.
5. Combine 1c flaked coconut, chocolate, dates, and nuts in a bowl, sprinkle half the mixture on top.
6. Pour another 1/3 of the can of coconut milk on top and spread that out.
7. Sprinkle next half of the coconut, date, nut mixture on top of coconut milk layer.
8. Pour the rest of the coconut milk on top, smooth, and finish with last 1/3c of flaked coconut.
9. Bake for 25 minutes or until the coconut browns.
10. Cool for at least two hours before cutting.
11. Store in refridgerator!

These are just as good as the ones I have made for years with real ingredients!

Makeup Monday _ Clinique Violets

2011-03-28T19:54:00.005-04:00

OMG Kittie is back
(I am allowed to speak in the 3rd person because I have already mastered 1st person.)

Really, I'm coming back. I miss you. I'm sorry.

Where I have been:

The depths of school
The abyss of work
The pages of Jane Eyre
The (not quite) lost lands of Dr. Who and Torchwood

It felt good, though. Not being tied down, that is. Now I'm blogging a mixture of purely Kittie-esque things (including food).

So, about that food...

I woke up from a dream about being in a car chase....trying to get to the stolen banana nut oatmeal....so I made banana nut oat bran and ate it sans car chase.
1/3c Oat Bran
1c water
Pinch of salt
Sprinkle of Stevia
Cinnamon
Cardamom
Ginger
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 banana
2 Tbsp chopped pecans

So, about that Makeup Monday thing...I want to do a series on cruelty free makeup that I use and like.

The first look:

I bought a new Clinique "Fresh Bloom allover color" in Peony and it qualified me for the "free gift" that included an eyeshadow set of violets.

Here I used Peony on my cheeks as a blush/contour and the violet set on my eyes.
I am also wearing their superbalm moisturizing gloss in lilac and the high impact mascara in black.
Since this isn't a makeup blog I won't go into the how-to's unless you guys ask for it.

Clinique has a wide range of non-allergenic face products including makeup and skincare. They are 100% cruelty free which means they never test on animals.

Have a happy Monday night, lovelies.
--Kittie

Remember that recipe....

2011-03-07T16:06:00.003-05:00

...that I promised like a month ago? Well, it's still delicious. It's vegan and protein-packed. It's cheap and easy to make. Perfect for vegan college students who don't live entirely off of Taco Bell.

Here it is, lovies.
Vegan Chickpea Sandwich Stuffing:
(Makes 2-3 servings)

Ingredients:
1c canned chickpeas, rinsed, peeled, and mashed
1 celery stalk, diced
1T diced red onion
1 mini sweet pickle, diced
1T spicy mustard
1T honey mustard
1T yellow mustard
1T Veganaise (more honey mustard would work if you want a less processed mix)
1t creole seasoning
sprinkle of black pepper
sprinkle of dill

Directions:
1. Drain and rinse your chickpeas.
2. Remove skins. (this is optional but I highly recommend it.)
3. Microwave the peeled chickpeas for about 45 seconds-1 minute to make mashing easier. (If you have a food processor, this step may be skipped but I have a bowl and a fork....and a microwave.)
4. Dice celery, onion, and pickle. mix into mashed chickpeas.
5. Add spices, mustards, and veganaise and mix until combined.
6. Serve!
This will keep in the fridge up to a week.
It is great on sandwiches, salads, crackers, and veggies!

Um....whoops?

2011-02-28T19:30:00.002-05:00

I'm horrible. I know. I'm really sorry.
You see, I have midterms this week.
Which meant the workload flowed into last week.
And the week before.

So, basically-hiatus until spring break? You're cool with that? cool. I'm glad. And I'm sorry.

I love you?
Have some chocolate?
Uhm......a hug?
Would that make it better?
Okay.

*Hugs*
-Kittie

Double Rainbow, anyone?

2011-02-17T18:09:00.005-05:00

I said I had a recipe, and I do (and it's vegan) and it will come with time my dearies. But I figured I would post this while it is somewhat relevant.

I made a two layered rainbow cake in the shape of a heart.

I'm not going to post a recipe because I followed Ominomicon's post exactly. It was for a class project so I didn't Kittie-ize it.

If I made it for myself I would probably use this vegan cake recipe and sub Stevia for sugar.
If I were making it for someone else or a party I would probably use a pound cake/butter cake recipe or mix so that it would be cleaner lines of rainbow when cut (since the cake would be less crumbly.)

Make sure you use twice as much (2/3) of each of the first 3 colors in the two pans. This means one pan will begin red, orange, yellow and the other begins purple, blue, green.
Bake.
Cover & Refrigerate.
Flip out first cake.
Mix Icing.
Ice first cake.
Flip second one on top.
Ice both layers.
Now eat!

Vegetarians have better sex.

2011-02-10T14:48:00.008-05:00

I'm sure you've heard of the banned PETA superbowl ad but I love it so much, I'm puttin' it here!

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

It's true. Go Veg. Love Veg. No, I mean really, really love veg. ;) Happy V-Day Loves.

I have a recipe for you loves. Will post soon!

Woman Sues Nutella?

2011-02-10T13:22:00.004-05:00

There is a woman who is suing the Nutella company for false advertising. She says that in their commercials they claim their product is a health food and that it is misleading. She fed her 4-year-old Nutella until a friend pointed out the nutritional stats.

With the 21 grams of sugar in a 2 Tbsp serving, Nutella is chocolate sauce. I know this, I still eat it on occasion but it really is a dessert food.

Here is my issue with suing over this:
Nutella clearly states that it can be PART of a nutritious breakfast ALONG with fruits and whole grains. Consumers must be informed. Y0u cannot blame a company if you didn't read the label before filling your 4-year-old full of sugar. Nutella is obviously not peanut butter. If a jar of pb hid 21 grams of sugar in 2 Tbsp, there would probably be an issue (read the label anyhow, even natural brands often contain 4 grams, aka 1 tsp of sugar per serving). Nutella is like a candy bar, this is evident from the flavor, ingredients, and nutrition label. Her friend obviously took the time to look at the numbers. It isn't that hard.

Don't blame a company because you're too lazy to check a label.

Sickly

2011-02-08T10:40:00.002-05:00

Sorry for being absent. I came down with something last week. It didn't keep me from school or work but it made my appetite that of a five year old. I only ate plain banana oatmeal and peanut butter sandwiches. And lots of sprite and ginger candies to make my nausea go away.

I am feeling much better. I am still eating mostly sugar free. Because I had no appetite, I choked down a protein bar that had the most sugar of anything I've had in over a month. N0thing happened. I expected a reaction but none came. Nothing bad, at least.

I was waiting to have sugar at a time that I wanted it but I haven't wanted it yet. I don't even crave fruit (but I do make sure to eat two servings a day.)

So the wait continues.

Four Weeks Without Sugar

2011-01-28T19:48:00.003-05:00

Today is 28 days sugar free. I'm still not entirely sure about it.

Week one, nothing changed.
Week two was HORRID.
Week three was AMAZING.
This week? Ugh. Not good.

So basically, I'm bipolar and I just have to deal with it? I'm not satisfied with that answer. I do think that I have controlled some aspects of mood by doing this. I will say that I like how I feel physically. No crashes, no cravings.

I'm going to remain mostly sugar free but I will experiment with being less strict. Now that I have completely detoxed, I want to see how different forms of sugar affect me. I will be working with agave, honey, brown rice syrup and the like. I like that I don't crave sweets now so I probably still won't eat them very often.

XOXO,
Kittie

On the Daily

2011-01-26T14:40:00.008-05:00

I want to do a post of what I eat regularly. I did my "sugar-free day" post but I haven't talked about my eating habits in a while. Why? Honestly, because I have made so much progress that I hardly think about it anymore. (Alright, so that may be a lie but it certainly doesn't come up in my thoughts while blogging.)

I have come from eating under 500 calories a day, to eating 500 calories a meal. That. Is. Huge.
I honestly don't know how many calories I eat per day. I do KNOW the exact calorie count of each item I eat simply because I remember but I'm not counting anymore. That took MONTHS and has only really held in the past month. I'm not going to tell you how many calories I consume in a day now because I refuse to count them, I'm sorry. But you will be able to SEE the change.

I have made it from this to what you are about to see. I wouldn't even allow myself to spread jam on the whole piece of bread for a PBJ. Now I lay on as much as I want (even if it is sugar free/fruit juice sweetened.)

I documented an ordinary day to show how far I have come.
6:30 AM
I start with a cup of 1/2 caf coffee or hot tea.
7:00 AM
For breakfast I have oatmeal or cereal and fruit (mixed in).
(I added pears to my coca oats as elk suggested. So good!)

11:30 AM-1:00 PM (depending on classes that day.)
For lunch I usually have a salad or sandwich. (PBJ or veggies and cheese on whole wheat.)
I like something salty/crunchy such as pretzels or chips.I pair tons of veggies with my sandwiches.
I like to eat salads with a protein like cottage cheese or yogurt and a carb/grain.

3:30-4:00 PM
I have a midday snack that is usually completely random.
I enjoy nuts.
Or carrot sticks covered in PB.
Sometimes a naturally sweet Larabar (when I can afford.)
And we all know how much I love nori.

6:00-7:00 PM (depending on what time my snack wears off)
Dinner is usually a bowl of random. I like hot dinners and they require a few key components:

Vegetables
Protein
Grain

I realize this pretty much goes for any meal, but I think about it more for dinner.
I often have a carb-y vegetable such as a potato or squash with dinner.
I think you need a closer look of that delicious caramelization.

I simply roast these cut side down with some olive oil for 30-45 minutes on 425F.

Paired with a grain:
Vegetables, and protein:
Spinach, broccoli, mushrooms, marinara sauce, nooch, parm, and black eyed peas.

I've come a such a long way. I have earned my health back. Honestly, I'm so proud and happy.

Call me The Count

2011-01-21T13:06:00.004-05:00

...Chocula, that is.

Since going sugar free, I haven't had any chocolate. None. For THREE WEEKS!!!! D: This is not cool. I needed to remedy it but all the store bought chocolate contains some sort of sugar!

Well, it's a good thing I'm a genius. Okay, maybe not, but I do love my oatmeal....and chocolate....and I'm a baker...I hope you see where this is going.
Chocolate oats!!!! I mixed in 1.5 Tbsp of unsweetened cocoa powder to my oats before cooking then sprinkled more on top.
Of course, I added chocolate's best friend....peanut butter! (And some sunflower seed butter.)
(1/2 caf) Coffee + Chocolate (oats) = Love.

I was taking a picture of this super cute shirt I've had for about a millennium.....
when I realized I haven't shown you the tattoos I got in December.
Better late than never?
An ellipsis and an infinity lemniscate. (The owl is not new, in case you are new to the blog.)

The ellipsis is for my continuous, life-long education. The lemniscate is for the never-ending nature of our universe.

(Okay, it's probably not ACTUALLY un-ending but I will be gone and this tattoo will have been long decayed and then scorched billions of Earth years before the projected end...so whatever ;] )

Wake up Happy

2011-01-20T14:25:00.003-05:00

This morning something amazing happened. I woke up happy.
Say what?
When I crawled out of bed in the frigid AM, I was happy.
What does that mean?
Sadly enough it means that I wasn't already depressed or at least apathetic. Most days I wake up dreading the day, feeling unsuccessful, useless, ect. It passes. No, it just fades into the background and I take the hours as they come.
Today I was happy. All day.

I'm amazed, thrilled, and utterly surprised. I'm surprised because it wasn't circumstantial. Nothing made me feel good, I just did. This is something that never, ever happens in the book of Kittie. Things happened today that would usually throw me off my course. I remained stable. The weather is wretched (rain to sleet to snowstorm in three hours) and I'm swamped with work but I feel good.

Notice that I said I feel good. I didn't say that I felt "great." Why? Because it isn't manic. This isn't a manic up, that feels different. This is just....happiness?

Anyhow, let's get into some food, shall we?

I like sandwiches. I like things that sprout out of the ground. I combined them and made the most delicious lunch I've had in a while.
Whole wheat seeded bread (from a local bakery), Swiss cheese, cucumber, pickles. lettuce, homemade pesto (!), avocado (!!!). Amaze.

Okay...you all know I'm weird, right? Well, with that in mind try not to be disgusted by my weirdness....
That would be a peanut butter banana sandwich...with a mustard-dipped pretzel shoved in it. I would try to defend myself, but honestly...I combine strange things and I'm proud. (ifyouwerewondering the spice of the mustard cuts the sweetness of the PBB perfectly while the salt of the pretzel brings out the flavors and adds crunch...)

Okay, this plate....it does make me happy. ;)
Woodland creatures!
I filled it with goods from the cafeteria.
(That red stuff was supposed to be ratatouille....which I love....but it tasted like a can of stewed tomatoes...NOT the same. Also, there was no garlic. That is a major ratatouille foul.)

Spacetime

2011-01-18T16:21:00.008-05:00

My brain is bouncing between The Five Ages of the Universe, this Keats poem, and the Holy Bible (say what, Kittie? I thought you were an Athiest. I am. I'm also and English major with a great interest in philosophy and religion.)

I keep looking at the Kitchen Space tab I have open and think it's the Spacetime tab I have open. I just finished editing something for my tech writing class so I want to type "Space Time" but the scientists have their ways and the majority prefer sans space. Well....with space the word, and the concept of space, but absent of space, the typographical void between words. If you can't tell, My brain is puking, I'm back in full school mode, I eat fast food.

Not that kind of fast food (although I do love me some Taco Bell. Cheap, easy, vegan. Hell yeah.) I mean food that is easily consumed while sitting at a desk working.

carrots
peppers
cucumbers
celery
pretzels
DIPZ!

This is lunch many days. Or I grab a salad in a box from the food court.
I like to pair it with an easy to grab yogurt (all the sugar in this comes from fruit) and pretzels....I'm still pacing myself through those three bags (they would not usually last this long!)
Sandwiches and veggies pair perfectly together and work well when I have a few minutes to assemble lunch.
Proof that I eat Taco Bell.
(Also known as the geniuses who put salsa verde in a packet.)
Mini update:
I am feeling much better than I was last Friday. I passed the two week mark and it wasn't easy but I seem to be stabilizing. It's only been a few days so I can't be certain about that. I shall keep you informed.

How is that sugar-free thing going?

2011-01-14T16:54:00.004-05:00

I have been sugar free for two weeks today. The results aren't what I was hoping for.

I don't usually eat sugar very often (1 serving of sweets every 2-3 days) but now I'm not eating it at all and this has been my mood:

On-edge
Easily set off
TONS of unusual crying
Depression
Tiredness
Anxiety

I haven't noticed a single IMPROVEMENT in my mood or energy.

This isn't me. This is the Kittie I used to know. This time has made me realize that I wasn't that bad off. I remember now that I can be much worse.

I'm giving it 14 more days. If I don't improve, I'm stopping.

NOTE:
I also appear to have lost some weight. That was NOT a goal of mine but this IS an update, so there you go.

Remember when I had a food blog?

2011-01-13T15:06:00.006-05:00

Oh yeah, I still do...and because I still do, I really should post some food.

You want to see some purple tinted oats in a jar?
There you go. Loaded with blueberries.
Purple from blueberry juice.
Too much AB in one place. (Did I just say that??)
You know what else I like that is blue? Blue corn tortilla chips.
They're a little too salty....okay, they burn my lips but I have always been sensitive to salty chips. I can't even eat Lay's potato chips. I can't taste anything because my mouth burns so much. At least I can taste these. They are nice and nutty in flavor. The ingredients are also wonderful. Real, organic ingredients.

They pair nicely with salads....
Or quesadillas......
Greek Yogurt makes for wonderful sour cream substitute.
Shakespeare makes for great light reading.
Stripes make me look like a mime.
And red jeans match my hair.

This Feeling...

2011-01-09T11:41:00.003-05:00

There is this feeling that girls (and boys) with my...ailments have. It's a painful emptiness. Not of the stomach but of the body. It's in the mind and the hole feeds on itself. I can usually feel it coming on. When I do, I occupy my mind with books or essays until it passes. Sometimes it surprises me. Yesterday it surprised me. The worst of it can last from 12 hours to 12 days....in certain cases even 12 wretched months.
I know I'm not alone in any way. I have people who love me. There are others out there who can understand me. Sometimes I just don't have a reason to get out of bed. Worse than that, sometimes I can't make myself GO to bed. The nightmares aren't worth the sleep but staying awake means I have to suffer through it. Suffering either way....the bed looks like a trap, it laughs at me.At this time, when the pillow mocks and my mind churns, I cannot read. I cannot write. It is too late. It has already consumed me and I must allow it to pass over me like a violent wave in the ocean. At this time, I hate living in my body. This is not related to ED. It is so much different. I hate myself, I hate my mind.
I have to change myself. I need to transform this wretched body into anything else. There are two things I do most commonly. The first is my desperate attempt to find endorphins. I won't go into the bloody details because I'm here to talk about the second.
I dye my hair in the early AM. I've done it for years. Since I was about 12 years old. I do it because I need to change. I don't do it because I like the color I'm making it. I do it because I hate the one I naturally have. I hate it because it is a part of me. I have to become something else.

So now my hair is bright red....all because of one sleepless night.

Give me something to read.

2011-01-08T13:22:00.002-05:00

I want new blogs to read. I'm growing weary of marathons, RDs and oats. I love fashion blogs, humor blogs, even any web comics you may wish to suggest.

Most importantly, I would love to see YOUR blogs. Those of you who hide behind the screen and never comment, comment! I'll check your blog out, I promise. I always check out the blogs of my subscribers and commenters!

I would also like to thank those of you who have stuck with me through my ups and downs of blogging. I know I haven't been consistent but I am working to improve!

More frequent blogs will probably mean some shorter blogs, some wordless blogs, and some word-only blogs (such as this one.)

Thank you beautiful readers!

Love,
Kittie.

A Day Without Sugar

2011-01-04T13:51:00.004-05:00

One may wonder what I eat. You know what I don't eat: meat, (most) dairy, refined sugar, refined flour. What does that leave? Since I haven't done an entire day of food post in a while I figured I would. Here we go:

Breakfast:
Unsweetened pumpkin blueberry oats with pecans and 0% Fage.
Lunch:
Salad with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and dried basil.
Veggie soup with vegan grilled cheese.
This tasted like Sonic onion rings. No joke. I don't know the last time I had them but the taste was spot on. 'Twas curious.

Snack:
Mixed fruit with coconut. (I forgot that the coconut was sweetened. I buy unsweetened but my dad had this kind. Oh well.)

Dinner:
Salad with salt and pepper.
1/4 roasted acorn squash, red beans, black eyed peas, 0% Fage.

Plus a few almonds here and there.

You may also wonder why I opt for vegan choices in most cases but eat Greek yogurt. It is because lactose makes my stomach hurt but GY does not. I can tolerate it just fine and it is a good source of protein for a vegetarian.

Oh, Goodness.

2011-01-03T10:04:00.007-05:00

I know my last post was slightly lacking in...information. I honestly didn't want to bore you. We English major types can write for pages without getting tired. I will now explain the details of my new plan.

I am cutting out sugar (not fruit). I haven't had any the entire new year. I also decided to cut out caffeine and refined flour. I think I was a bit overzealous.

I hardly eat anything with refined flour in it other than sweets so by cutting out sugar, I am cutting out white flour. I prefer whole grains in breads, cereals, ect. There is, however one love of mine that is pure white flour....and salt.
Oh, the beloved pretzel. I'm switching to whole wheat....after I finish the three bags I have open/half eaten. After that, no more white flour. This is really not that difficult for me.
Sugar and caffeine are proving to be a bit more of a challenge. Actually, mostly caffeine. Without caffeine my body is aching and I am extremely tired. My decaf herbal tea does. not. help.
I have tried to cut out caffeine many, many times before. I can drink up to ten cups of black coffee a day. I need to quit but this withdrawal is a bit much.
Just hearing the coffee pot brewing made me feel calmer. That, my friends, is called an addiction. With the first few sips I was back to feeling collected and alive. I stopped shaking and was able to focus.
I don't want to be this dependent on coffee. This is just as bad as taking the drugs I refused almost two years ago.
Soy creamer....it curdles.

New plan:

Wean myself off of coffee/caffeine slowly.
No sugar
No refined white flour
Low dairy (Once again, I pretty much already do this)

Sound like a plan? Good.
This is a first attempt at my new diet.
Pumpkin blueberry oats with pecans and 0% Fage.
Sitting on a bed of my dear, sweet Hamlet.

Now that I have a cup of coffee in hand, I can resume reading.

Dear Shakespeare,
I know I swore never to take another drug so that I could absorb you fully. I have gone back on my promise and for that, I am sorry. Caffeine is a drug. I vow to one day read you sober.

Sincerely,
Kittie

This Year...

2011-01-01T19:13:00.006-05:00

I will continue to be my best.
I got a book. I read the book. I'm making changes.
I'll give you some background information. When I was five years old my mother had a few friends tell her I was depressed. About a year later my hell began. I was in and out of the offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, therapists, even pseudo-doctors who hooked me up to machines. I was on such dangerous levels of medicines by the time I was eight that I had to have an EKG each month to see if my heart was working properly. Throughout my life I have been on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics, and more that I don't even remember.

The medicine put me in a fog. I was still suicidal, I still hated myself, but the medicine made me act on these things less. I could hardly feel anything. I couldn't remember what I read. Literature is my passion. I didn't want to live like this.

When I turned 18 the summer before leaving for college, I make the choice to quit all medications. I haven't gone back. It was the best decision of my life but it hasn't been easy.
My first semester in college I was easily triggered. I had episodes where I would scream, unable to stop myself and eventually just cry, hugging myself in a ball on the floor for hours. I refused to medicate. Partially because I'm stubborn and partially because I knew there had to be another option.

Since then I have regulated my diet and included exercise into my life. I haven't had an episode so severe in almost a year. I still have mini freakouts but I am able to control them until I am alone. The one thing that has never dissipated is my hopelessness.
I have ups and downs. The ups are clearer than the downs. I can think more like a "normal" person and make safe decisions. I got this tattoo during an up to remind myself that if I am in a low point, an up will come. It's how I am formulated.

Some of my ups are not like a "normal" person's. I am prone to addiction. If I get a taste of something during an up, it is much more severe than some one else's reaction would be. Pain is my best example.

Most people feel pain, then endorphins help to dull the pain, delivering positive sensations. I feel pain and my endorphins go INSANE. I am in a state of utter euphoria. Pain? What pain? Half an hour later, the high is gone and I feel the pain as "normal" person would but endorphins linger for much longer.

During my freshman year, as many college students do, I began drinking. Soon, it was not enough to drink only on the weekends. Alcohol was the only thing that ever worked for my anxiety. I needed it during the week. I realized this was a problem and quit drinking.

What is this all about? I'm cutting out sugar. I have been breaking down a bit more than I would like lately and so I am making steps to improve myself by what I put into my body.

Here's to a new year. (I'm glad I'm not the only one going Sugar-Free!)

My other goals?
Get all A's
NO binges
NO purges
Less dairy

Christmas Confessions

2010-12-31T11:13:00.008-05:00

I'm an Atheist. I'm not a kid anymore. I sleep just fine on Christmas Eve. My parents announced their divorce almost 2 years ago, it still isn't finalized and it is tearing my family apart. So...

I didn't celebrate Christmas for the birth of Christ.
I didn't celebrate Christmas for the presents.
I didn't celebrate Christmas for the family time.
I didn't even celebrate Christmas for the food.
I celebrated because it's cultural.

Part of me wanted to stay on campus and not even come home. A lot of me wanted to spend it with the friends I have there. I came home out of obligation.

I didn't even photograph my food. What is the worth of this holiday? Why do we prepare such a large meal? In my case, to pretend that the four of us (Mom, Dad, Brother, and I) are somehow still living like we did when we were in the same house.

Christmas eve was "Christmas" at my mom's house and Christmas day was spent at my dad's house (where I grew up.)

I got a lot of presents.
I even got a DSLR. (Cannon Rebel [Which I am incredibly thankful for])
You caught my lie, I totally photographed my food. How could I not with a brand new baby Rebel?
But I still wasn't sure the drive was worth it to spend two days in December with my distraught family.

I came home to find out that I'm suddenly allergic...
...to my best friend?
No, I came home to spend the snow day....
With my best friend (on two legs.)
Alright, it was worth it.

Oh where, oh where has Kittie gone?

2010-12-21T12:06:00.004-05:00

I've been busy. Very busy.
With what?
With school and with life. I started this blog to share recipes then it evolved into a way for me to track my calories. At first it aided my ED then I made a change and it helped me track calories to eat more.
Now I am in recovery. Recovered? No, no I can't say that but I am so much stronger, so much more hopeful, and much healthier. This blog helped me do that. It is still helping me but part of my recovery is no longer counting EVERY. SINGLE. THING. I put in my mouth. I make sure to eat enough fruits/vegetables/protein and other than that I eat until I'm full and let my body tell me when I'm hungry. I do take photos of my food, just not ALL of my food. I photograph interesting food. For instance, I recently went out and had Japanese food.
Seaweed salad, Edamame, pickled radish sushi.
I may also photograph things like Greek yogurt on sale...
With home made cranberry sauce.... Or the beginning of the best batch of Toadstools ever.

But I don't photograph every apple, bar, or bowl of oats. I'm more comfortable with what I eat now.

What does that mean for the blog? It's going to be more focused on living a healthy, educated, fun life. School is very important to me and reading is my passion. I love to cook. I love astronomy and photography (i.e. I am very interested in astrophotography.) Those are just a few things you may see on here.

Also, I don't run. Just know that. You will see ZERO marathons on this blog and I am OKAY with that.

I'm happily healthy and I wish to continue living this way.

Will you join me?

Unwrapped

2010-12-14T17:12:00.006-05:00

(Not the Food Network show....my exciting present to myself.)

Yesterday, after I ate my oat bran....
I ventured into the snow....
(Even though I had no exams and could have worn this all day...)
But I had a mission to pick something up from the post office....

Anticipation.... Packing Peanuts.....

Oh my....Ooooooh my...There she is! My little bundle of joy!
Film, batteries, electrical tape (for sealing the back cover to prevent light leaks.)
My little baby Holga...
*Click!*
I love you.

Je Suis Désolé

2010-12-09T09:55:00.005-05:00

I am sorry for neglecting my duties as a blogger.
I'm taking 18 hours of classes so, needless to say, the end of the semester is intense. Today is study day so I have a few seconds to come up for air from my books.
Last week was all about carbs.....carbs and chocolate...(you can guess why, I'm sure)

And this week is ALL about veggies. I'm on my second bag of carrot sticks this week. I just want crisp vegetables and fruit all day, everyday.
So that's what I eat....but I make sure to balance it with carbs and protein....and the occasional oatmeal cookie (or two).

CARROT STICKS (I love thee).
Oh, and you too, Candy Cane.

Giving thanks with Mamma Monster

2010-11-28T22:06:00.008-05:00

On Friday I woke up bright and early to get to shopping. I had a quick but delicious breakfast:
Corn flakes, Fiber One, banana, almond milk.

Mamma and I shopped until we were hungry and we headed to Panera Bread.
MMMMmmmm! I love Panera but we don't have one where I go to school.

Then we kept shopping. Later on I had some shopping fuel:
Um. Eww. This was my first time having the 'smores flavor. Not a fan.

Then I made dinner at my mom's house:
Salad with warm spiced pears, feta cheese, sunflower seeds, mushrooms, and red onion:
Whole wheat bubble loaf:
Steamed cauliflower and Roasted butternut squash with onions and spices:
Home made cranberry sauce:
I also sauteed asparagus and made a pumpkin pie:
Fin.

Saturday I woke up to a leisurely breakfast...
Pumpkin Oats complete with Cool Whip.

Finished in time to get my hurr did:
Ved bangs!

Leftovers and Martha Stewart Living followed.
Lunch:

Dinner:

Thanksgiving Weekend Recap

2010-11-28T20:12:00.004-05:00

First order of business was to drive home at noon on Wednesday. I ate a lunch of hummus wrap and veggies on the road.
Upon arrival mom took me to dinner.
I informed her that food bloggers hate ambiance.

The next morning (Thanksgiving) I woke up at Dad's house to a kitchen stocked for me.
Frozen almond milk on frozen berries.
I spent time with the kitty....
and I admired Dad's centerpiece.....
And made my squash in the toaster oven since the oven had a turkey in it....
I put a hat on it as was my Dad's advice.
I used poultry seasoning because it seemed appropriate. ;)
Acorn Squash, steamed cauliflower and broccoli, whole wheat roll, cranberry sauce, dressing. Yum. < 3

Recap of Friday and Saturday to come.

I am Thankful.....

2010-11-25T10:59:00.005-05:00

I am thankful for the freshly made bed my dad prepared for me.
I am thankful for my sweet kitty.
I am thankful for my able body.

I am thankful to know what my body needs to operate and not be afraid of autumn traditions.
I am thankful to have a loving family, even if it is split.

I am thankful to have a rational thinking mind.

(Alpha Lambda Delta Honors Society)

I am thankful for the determination I have to do well for myself.

I am thankful for the opportunity to go to college, thus I will not be angry about the giant load of homework I have this holiday weekend.
I am thankful to live as a free woman in this country.

Lost & Found

2010-11-23T13:26:00.007-05:00

My favorite foods are the most basic, simple foods.
They fall into two categories: Childhood foods and Whole foods.

Today we are discussing the wonders of childhood favorites.

As a little girl with strawberry blond spirals sprouting from her head (not very much unlike Annie's) I loved one particular ginger child actress who was only a few years older than I. Today she is better known as LiLo....or Firecrotch :/ But I remember the Lindsey from the 90s version of The Parent Trap. What is the most memorable scene? (aside from the ear piercing...) This one:
Oreos + Peanut Butter
I haven't had an Oreo in at least a year. I used to eat Oreos weekly. In my vegan days they were the number one dessert on my menu. I had somehow convinced myself they weren't all that great (as I have with all of my favorite foods that don't grow out of the ground) but I brought 'em back and good gosh.....
Better than I remembered.
So much better.

Do you eat peanut butter on your Oreos?

Rain, Rain: Why can't you be snow?

2010-11-17T18:10:00.004-05:00

It's is so cold and soooo mistyyy here. It's as if just looking out the window would give you a cold!
Sportin' the tshirts.
Hardcore and Adam Lambert? In my world those things go together fine. ;)
Breakfast of champions:
Potassium!
Peanutbutterjellytime
*dance dance*

Comfort food:
Apple butter and SunButter sammich. (with Cheetos AND pretzels because I couldn't decide on one.) Apparently apple butter is one of those "foodie finds" for a lot of bloggers but for me it was a childhood staple. I guess it's a southern thing? I've heard honey mustard is a southern thing which I think is a cryin' shame. We know how to EAT. :)
And TONS of veggies (and unpictured pears and apples) for vitamins.
I will not get sick.

Over the weekend

2010-11-15T17:31:00.006-05:00

I had some fun and ate some food.
My weekends are very different from my weeks (thank goodness).

Typical weekday breakfast.
Typical weekend breakfast.
Typical weekday lunch.
Typical weekend lunch[es].
Indian
Mexican

Typical weekday outfit:
Classy

Typical weekend outfit:

Klassy

Are your weekends drastically different than your weekdays?
What is your favorite quick breakfast?

No class? I call the kitchen.

2010-11-11T18:00:00.006-05:00

My university didn't have classes today because of Veteran's Day so I occupied the kitchen....(try to ignore the Afghanistan parallel there...)
I started the day with a nice bowl of cereal.
Yum.
No classes. No bangs. No makeup. No need.
Steel toes.
Seven year old shirt complete with paint stain.

I made crescent moon cookies:
Geeked out with some moon phase cookies:
And made a cute person cookie (because I'm a cannibal):
THEN:
The college student's panini press.
And the greatest sandwich ever.

Whole wheat bread from local bakery
Home made pesto
Mayo
Spicy brown mustard
White cheddar
Caramelized onions and mushrooms
Tomato

Oh my.

100 and 6

2010-11-11T00:10:00.006-05:00

It's my 6 month blogging anniversary.
This is my 100th post.
Oh how cool.

This is going to be minimal on the words, heavy on the photographs.
I've discovered I never liked the frosting on frosted mini wheats and the mini bites have far too much sugar to wheat ratio.
I still love jeggings.
I eat sandwiches and veggies like a pro.

I proctored an exam at an elementary school and had to channel my inner librarian. (like that's really difficult.)

Squash are a staple.

I've been contemplating Hamlet an awful lot as of late. I channeled Ophelia today.

Fin.

Remember Her?

2010-11-07T18:00:00.001-05:00

I don't know if any of you recall, but when I first posted of my ED, I referred to it as "she." This was a response to the fact that it often feels like you are being told by your ED what you can and cannot do. I felt controlled by "her," unable to fight the things the voice said to me. I had a inner dialogue that seemed like two beings that could not possibly be the same. What's the truth?

We are the same.

This voice, this force, this disease, whatever you want to call it is me. I am the one who tells myself I am inadequate. I am the one who says that is too much on my plate. I am the one who says bones are good, curves are bad.

Today I was looking at old pictures of myself and I realized something that I have realized 100 times before, but somehow always forget:
When I am at a healthy weight, I look better.

I'm not saying I magically become Adriana Lima. I'm saying that when I am not at my healthy weight, I look sick. My skin looks dull, I break out more, My face is more hollow, I don't glow.

I know this. This has always been a fact. Then why do I keep telling myself I must loose?

I have no answer. But it's a good question.
Right now, I'm in the middle. I'm not on either end of severity that I have been before.
Lately I've been stressing over my weight, thinking I'm gaining but...well, it's sort of funny. I'll explain: I went so long without a period that I never got used to the usual gain/loss of water retention. Every few weeks I start to freak out, wondering why, how I am gaining weight. Then I look at a calendar and realize....oh....it's that week, huh? Told you it was funny.

Well, I say that but it isn't really. Not when I won't eat because I feel the fat multiplying and the thought of adding one more horrid calorie makes me actually cry. Not when the hunger headache prevents me from enjoying my night and I feel sick to my stomach which just becomes one more excuse not to eat. I ate some oatmeal when it got to 24 hours without food....(I actually ate plain oatmeal, not this bowl of oats....)
Otherwise it's this...
or this...
and lots of this....

**Note: while writing this, my iTunes has played "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" twice. Someone knows too much for a machine....
I had a very difficult time last night. I could not understand why these thoughts were back, and I hated that I felt that it was a good thing that they controlled me. I misspoke. There is no they. I control myself. I am in control and if I want to nurture my body, damnit I will. I am stronger than this.
When these things happen, I tend to need....my fix. I'm getting the itch for ink, so expect to see something new soon.

I'll leave you with some lyrics that put my current thoughts into words:

"12 needle injection,
Stroked on skin with affection
The buzz of her diced tattoo machine
Makes me wanna cry for more

In for another kick, my skin gets its fix
My body takes a new form, I'm getting reborn
Yeah, I need my ink injection
Baby lou tattoo!

Full thrust on the machine, pins on to my skin
I'm getting my soul reapplied
While my skin is getting dyed"

Horrorpops, Baby Lou Tattoo

C'est Froid

2010-11-05T16:25:00.006-04:00

(Remember, remember the 5th of November)
It's oh so very cold.
Which means I get to wear scarves and drink hotttttt Earl Grey (with just a TOUCH of Gin....ger).

[I realize literally no one understood that reference....but making it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...or maybe that's the gin. Kidding, kidding.]

In case you were wondering:
In Kittie's life breakfast remains cereal:
Clifford Crunch, Millet puffs, freeze dried strawberries, almond milk, and coffee.

Lunch keeps sportin' the sandwich:
TJ's flax pb and apple butter.
With a new companion, Mr. Cheeto.
And dinner last night was spaghetti squash! (my personal favorite squash) with butter beans and a pumpkin roll.
Spaghetti squash is so buttery and delicious.

There is one thing that I would like to add. This....is getting me through the day. Perhaps it could help one of you?:

"By very slow degrees, and with frequent relapses that alarmed and grieved my friend, I recovered." -Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

A visit from Momma Monster

2010-11-03T17:09:00.008-04:00

Outfit of the day:

New Betsey Johnson Belt!

Pea Coat: Betsey Johnson
Scarf: Rue 21
Red cardigan: Target
Button-up shirt: Forever 21
Belt: Betsey Johnson
Skirt: J. Crew

Little plum-cake Monster got a visit from her momma yesterday. She treated her college girl very, very, uhm....verrrry well.
Three Betsey Johnsons, Calvin Klein, kitchen ware, and Marvel? Somebody is loved.
Kittie's food supply was also very low. The fruit bowl was completely empty. Momma bear helped!
For lunch, she took me to a cafe that is down the street from my university. The owners are from Germany and began their bakery because they realized bread here sucks....they bake some awfully legit bread.
I got some loggers rolls and pumpkin rolls to take home. (calm down, I know I said pumpkin, but calm down.) I had a logger roll, country whole wheat, and bauernbrot (omg so good! there baked potatoes in the dough...) for dinner with other snackities.
She also got me froyo.
LOVED, I tell you. LOVED.
Since I got groceries, I got to eat a different cereal for breakfast! haha. Good thing too because I only had about 1 serving of Clifford crunch left.
And I ended lunch with a fresh pear and some Halloween candy!

Ode to Cereal/Kettle Corn Squares

2010-11-01T17:26:00.009-04:00

I. Love. Cereal. Thank you Cereal, for being my breakfast. Give it up for Mr. Cereal!

Ode to one of the greatest breakfast foods (NOT oatmeal):
You go well with fruit and coffee...
...and with fruit and juice.
You Snap, Crackle, and Pop.
You go well with yogurt.
And with fruit.
You are the star of my favorite dessert, rice crispy treats:
Oh wait....that isn't rice crispies....is that...?
Kettle Corn.
Hellz yuh.

When you have this much kettle corn.....you need to figure out something to do with it. I didn't want to make popcorn balls. Too messy. I adore marshmallow everything. I adore rice crispy treats. So I whipped up these Salty/Sweet Popcorn Treats.

Marshmallow Kettle Corn Treats:

6 cups kettle corn
4 cups mini marshmallows
3 T butter

1. Grease a glass casserole dish, set aside
2. Melt butter in a saucepan
3. Add marshmallows and heat until they melt completely and begin to bubble
4. Mix in the kettle corn and coat completely in marshmallow
5. Press into casserole dish and let cool before cutting

Makes about 24 squares

Make Vegan by using 1 tub Ricemellow or equal amount vegan marshmallows and butter substitute.
Nom.
They can also be made into marshmallow popcorn balls.
Just grease your hands and form into tight balls before the mixture cools.

Costumes of Haloween Past

2010-10-31T21:40:00.008-04:00

Edited to add more pics.

Halloween is always a big deal for me so I thought I'd show you all a couple photos of old costumes.

I was Woody Allen once:
Just Kidding. Those are my real glasses.
Alright, you caught me. That was just my my mom taking pictures in Eyeglass World a month ago.....(but I want them.)

I was a vampire before vampires were cool:
(Age 13 0r 14)

I was once Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls:
(Age 15)

I've dressed up in the way I did from ages 12-14 as a mockery of myself:
(Actually pictures of me at that age)

I've been a Doll:
(Age 17)
(The BFF was Laura Croft holding me at gunpoint.)
You can't be a doll without your tea party:
(Loooooong before my food blogging adventures, I loved photographing my creations.)

I've been an Emilie Autumn-inspired Gothic Lolita complete with handmade parasol.
(Age 16)

Last year I was an actual Lolita:
(Age 18 [a bit too old, eh?])

And this year I was a Nymph.

I hope you all have a

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

The Biggest Step...

2010-10-30T18:56:00.003-04:00

Is when you start to binge and then you stop early.
And you go to...
"Just purge a little"
"Just this one last time."
For the 100th last time
And you don't
And you look at yourself in the mirror
And you know this time, the food will stay inside
And you have to be okay with that
To stop the cycle
And it hurts
And you hate yourself
But you want to get better.

Lately

2010-10-26T12:47:00.004-04:00

What have I been up to lately?
I had Mexican food last Friday for the first time in...who the hell knows when.
Man-hand + chips + salsa + guacamole.
I got the veggie fajitas
I made one fajita and had a little under half the veggies.
Leftovers for Kittie. I try not to order things if I know there is no way I'll finish them or even come close but everything else vegetarian was slathered in cheese....and also very large portions....but I always eat my leftovers. I don't have a problem with leftovers.

Well....in my town today there was (is) a tornado warning. My Public Speaking class was interrupted by the sirens. We had to go to the basement where we sat in the hallways and she continued class.

I've been having anxiety attacks again and this isn't helping.
Why are you having anxiety attacks?
Since I actually have panic attacks that are seemingly uncaused by anything direct, I can't be positive.

I do know that I feel a definite lack of control. I feel like I'm loosing control of both my grades and my weight/eating. In reality I have all A's and B+'s and I've actually lost a few pounds (not that I tried to. I'm sort of confused on this one, I'm eating way more than I am used to because I'm trying to maintain and I'm loosing??...) Control has always been a huge issue with me. If I feel like I'm out of control it's like I'm slipping. My chest is tightening all day as if I am literally falling off a mountain. Imagine the shock of fear and pain you feel in your chest when you realize you are about to trip down the stairs. Now apply that to all day. That's how I feel.

I have also been sick for about a week now.
I am taking my usual vitamin C and a bit extra in the form of drink tablets and I think it's helping.
I just have to keep eating soup.
And drinking tea.
And eating cereal because apparently it's my favorite breakfast food. (we never ate breakfast when i was a kid so I'm just now discovering it....as a meal and what foods I like.)

Fragments

2010-10-23T22:20:00.008-04:00

So if you noticed, there have been pictures of me on the blog recently-not just my food. This has been very difficult for me. I wanted to show you my experience at Kitt Peak but posting full body shots terrified me. I don't feel so horrible about myself right now but I am afraid of readers thinking I don't look like I struggle with eating. I didn't want anyone to say that I looked fine or even like I could loose a few.

Now, I realize this probably wouldn't happen. I have supportive readers. I still fear. I feel very insecure about my body as of late because I have been fluctuating between loosing and gaining for the past few months. I never gain a lot and then I turn around and loose it. I'm teetering on the healthy/underweight BMI point for me and I wish I could just stay right here but...I guess that's normal. People fluctuate.

Where I am going with this is that I have decided to start posting pictures of me on the blog as well as food. I want to post my favorite outfits, jewelry, makeup, ect. I am doing this to try and become comfortable with being seen.

When I go in public I hang my head. I either walk looking at the ground or straight ahead because I know someone is bound to look at me but I can't fathom seeing them do it. I'm terrified of it.

If I post things on here, the whole damned internet is capable of finding it. I'm letting them see me because there's nothing wrong with me. I don't need to be afraid.

I'm starting at the bottom.
My feet are clad in these mukluks that I got about five years ago at this little "emporium" in my home town. I am wearing black Mossimo jeggings from Target.
I love my Jeggings. I own three pairs: 1 black, 1 charcoal grey, 1 "denim" style.
That is my watch chain. Yes, I carry a pocket watch.
These have belt loops which I love. I pair them with my Betsy Johnson belt. (Vegan)
I have only one set of silly bandz, pictured here: the Wolverine pack. If any of you know of a Hello Kitty pack, I would also be interested.
My favorite bracelet. It was made by my friend's brother out of scrap leather. (Not Vegan ;]) And my tree of life ring.
Sometimes I wear glasses. They are red and Kittie-eyed. (get it?...Kittie-eyed)
And because this is about making big steps, no makeup: See? I can't even look at you....
Okay, I made myself.

Oh....you want food? Well fine. I guess I could do that for you ;)
Breakfast was 1/2c TJ's High Fiber cereal, 1/2 c Cascadian Farms Clifford Crunch, and the marshmallows out of some lucky charms I snagged from the cafe. With almond milk, as always.

I went on a picnic today.
I sat by the river.
I listened to The Killers (Sawdust) and read Philosophy.
You can see that I like Hello Kitty....
I had packed a cheese sandwich.
But my blood sugar was dropping and I was shaking uncontrollably. I quickly ate my fruit for sugar and ran to get some protein/sugar.
Peanut M&M's x2. Much better.

Then I went shopping and capped the afternoon off with some froyo.
I'm not one of those bloggers who pines over pumpkin pie EVERYTHING. No, no my friends. When you say "birthday cake" or "marshmallow" flavored then I got insane.
Pictured here:

Birthday Cake froyo
Vanilla froyo
Marshmallows
Caramel apple candy corn
Mochi
Boba
Strawberry
Kiwi

Mamma Don't Play

2010-10-22T16:02:00.006-04:00

If you are Kittie and you miss your town's Fall Festival because you are away at school, you may call your mother and beg for kettle corn.

When you tell her "Get me like, a shit ton of it," you may not realize that 'shit ton' translates into 'lifetime supply' to momma.

But when you go to your mail box and open your package....
and find this....
You will look at it like this....
Then this....
And eventually accept your roll as the new owner of a two (...three?) pound bag of kettle corn....
Wholly crap that's a lotta kettle corn. So much that I apparently found it impossible to get the whole thing in a picture with me....
Of course I had to have some.
It was good but I must admit a bit of sadness and disappointment.....it's been to long since I've had food with...uh...flavor that the salty-sweetness I used to love so much actually hurt. Literally...the salt burned my tongue and the sweet burned my throat. This is a sad day...I've found I can only eat about five pieces at a time. I know that really isn't a bad thing since it isn't exactly a health food...but still.

I will be giving bags of it away though. Even if it didn't burn, one girl can't (or shouldn't unless she wishes a sugar coma) eat all of that before it goes stale. (Luckily kettle corn takes a while to go stale because it sort of preserves its freshness with its sugar coating....)

On a lighter note, sammiches have hit full force:
Fluffernutter (first-timer)
Pimento cheese (classic)
Sunbutter and jam (spin on a classic)

This pretty much represents the perfect lunch for me. You can tell that my idea of a perfect lunch was defined by years of taking a bag lunch to school but basically, here are the components:

Sandwich - Should not be messy, not too many components. Ideal makings include: peanut butter/jelly, pimento cheese, cheese/mayo.
Something Crunchy - My favorites are as follows: Pretzels, Wheat Thins, Goldfish (preferably Ranch or Cheddar Blasted but Cheddar is always a reliable standby), Cheetos (crunchy, Flamin' Hot or Jalapeno, once again-original works too), Doritos (Nacho cheese or Spicy Sweet [fun fact: these are the only vegan Doritos flavor (or were as of 2008 when I was vegan)]).
Veggies - The crunchy, portable, slice-able, dip-able sorts (My favorites are carrots. Celery, bell peppers, and cucumbers are also great.)
Fruit - Okay, apple. Apple is your only choice because I make the rules. Sorry.
Drink - Any drink. Bottles are better than cans in case you don't finish (I never do).

So...it feels really good to eat what I want. The funny thing is...what I want really isn't that bad. Yeah, Cheetos and Doritos are not health foods and I know others may judge me for liking them but I haven't bought them yet and when I do (because I will) I'm not going to feel bad about eating one serving every couple days. I just have to get to a point where I can show you without being ashamed. I'm still ashamed for putting that cookie on the blog even though I'm proud of myself for eating it. (explain that?)

Last night on the mountain

2010-10-19T04:14:00.011-04:00

(I started this post two nights ago but Blogger wouldn't let me upload pictures. Just pretend ;])

It's our last night here :(
Last night's clouds were horrible. The clouds today were not a problem but the wind and humidity have been acting up back and forth all night.

I shall give you a recap of this amazing trip:
I learned how to fill the liquid Nitrogen Dewar.....
Remove the mirror cover....
Operate the telescope via commands....
and captured the Horsehead Nebula....
and the Ring Nebula (M57). (Not our images)

I also did something pretty cool while there. I didn't count calories the whole time. Can you imagine that just a couple months ago I almost decided not to go because I wouldn't have my food scale?? It scares and saddens me how controlling ED can be. But I fought it and had this AMAZING experience. I also had lots of sammiches because they are my favorite food.

I don't want to get excited about something that turns out to be false but.....I think I overcame my fear of bread completely on this trip.....which.....is sort of a big deal.

Another thing that I decided on the trip was to stop eating foods just because they have a high standing with health food bloggers and don't leave out foods just because those bloggers wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole (expect to see some damned Flamin' hot Cheetos sometime soon. It has been too long, my friends.)

Because of this decision, when I went grocery shopping (Wal*Mart, last night, 2AM-haha-I was still on a observer's schedule) I bought only things I love. No obligation foods. I refuse.
Look! (Bun Bun, Nausicaa [yes, like from The Odyssey], and Mr. MonsterMan starring in their 3AM grocery haul photo shoot) So the important things to note are:

Pimento Cheese - this is comfort food, a classic of my mom's and has been off the Kittie menu for quite some time.
Mayo - I love mayo....I can't lie anymore. Sandwiches just aren't the same without it.
NON Greek yogurt - I like yogurt. I think Greek yogurt tastes like a yogurt/sour cream mixture and I only enjoy it when I get a weird craving. Those tubs of Fage you saw me eat...I forced myself.
American Cheese slices - Although I have kept these in stock, I was ashamed to eat them but I love them and they are the only cheese I like (and I realize they can hardly be called cheese) so I'm showing you, unashamed.
Wheat crackers - I love carbs, I'm bringin' 'em back.
SWEETENED almond milk - they didn't have unsweetened. Usually I would have just not gotten any because of fear of calories but I wanted some damned almond milk....I decided it really wasn't a big deal this time.
Also: a tiny acorn squash, celery, yummy carrots, and some of the best apples ever.

I feel like I have grown so much by doing this. I shoved my ED thoughts aside and decided with my whole self that I would go and do this. I did and it was amazing. I'm still awe stricken. I could have stayed home for fall break, knowing that I gave up an opportunity just because of fear. Instead I have overcome fears, gained knowledge, pictures, and this great hoodie:
I'm honestly really proud of myself.
(And yes, I realize that hoodie is a bit large but I like to be able to crawl into my hoodies. heh.)

On Becoming a Vampire:

2010-10-18T04:05:00.006-04:00

So it's past 3:00AM and I am wide awake. I'm in training to be a vampire. But this sort of vampire hunts nebulae instead of young vixens and drinks le cafe instead of blood. I have a couple facts for you:

Astronomers have a sense of humor:
They like snax as much as coffee:

(Cherry Twizzlers and apple slices on my constellation/star name study notes.)

My eyes are getting more blood shot patches that freak my professor out:
And these clouds did not behave tonight:
We were only open long enough to take one set of images (less than an hour.) Ball suck.

"Breakfast" Noon
I do apologize, but the only meal we eat during the daytime is breakfast which is had at high noon. That means I miss the best natural light periods but you will forgive, will you not?
Cheerios, apple jacks, banana, almond milk, coffee (dur).

"Lunch" 7:00PM
Brown rice, black beans + tomato, bell pepper + mushroom (plus a huge unpictured salad).

"Dinner" 3:00AM
Grain bread (really, really good bread), cheese, mustard, boiled egg white slices, pretzels, and another boiled egg (plus coffee).
Also, one of these huge ass cookies each night. (I honestly don't remember the last time I had a cookie before this....and I prefer cookies over any other dessert food.)

Bursting Blood Vessels for Science.

2010-10-17T07:51:00.008-04:00

Say what, Kittie?

I haven't slept. It's (now much) past 7:00AM. Why? Because I'm here. More specifically, I'm in here. Doing what? Being a student. Observing the sky, observing my Professor operate systems in the control room, occasionally operate things myself, keep the telescope working, ect, ect. No, this isn't a field trip. I'm here with my professor because I am an Astronomy minor, for those of you who haven't caught on. You wanna see what an Astro minor eats? Well, when she has to wake at 5:00AM to catch a flight, she has overnight oats waiting:
The last of the Dark Chocolate Dreams. I used it to make cookies that I gave to other people. (honestly, I hate DCD....)
And when she's reading Hamlet in the airport lounge (because she is an English major after all) she eats free snacks. (but picks out the sesame things because she thinks they are weird.)
"Breakfast" is had when you wake (about noon.)
"Lunch" is around 6:00, right after you finish calibrating the telescope and right before sunset.
"Dinner" happens in the control room between midnight and 2:00AM. (Lol. My planisphere is showing ;) uh oh.)

To withstand the 26 hour days you will live off of this:
And if you're cool like us, you will chomp carrots like rabbits.
Two tidbits:
The astronomer's best friends.
(Red light and white light)
And it's cold on mountaintops. (Also, I have busted blood vessels in my eyes due to sleep deprivation but the flash removed them. How kind.)

Not a step, a frakking LEAP

2010-10-14T22:19:00.004-04:00

I did something. I did it honestly and fully. I did something "normal." I did something that I used to love to do. What you ask? Last night my friend and I went to the diner on campus. We talked until 11:30 at night. That was wonderful but it wasn't what I'm talking about. This is what I'm talking about, people:
Those would be the French fries that we shared. It has been over a year since I ate French fries.
I ate them with dips, too! BBQ sauce, Ranch dressing, and Ketchup.

I ate fries and...
SNICKERS PIE! I ate that whole piece of pie except the chocolate on top and the peanuts....I um...have a confession...you know I hate peanuts, but honestly...I hate chocolate too. hate it.
Honestly, I'd eat a plate full of fries over sweets any day....but they were both good and I ate them and I didn't cry, I didn't panic, I didn't feel my heart beating faster. I didn't purge and I didn't fast today to make up for it. I'm not going to lie...I'm proud.

Without Fear

2010-10-12T12:39:00.004-04:00

I spent this weekend with some friends in Memphis and I have two things to show for it.

First, meatless beans and rice at Rendezvous':
It came with peppers, pickles, cole slaw, crackers, and cheddar cheese.
I ate all of it and even a couple crackers and half a stick of cheese. That is the only slaw I have ever enjoyed in my life. It wasn't all mayonnaise-y, it had hot sauce instead. Um...genius?

Then, a rekindled love:
Yeah, it's just Subway but I have only gotten salads there for over a year out of fear of the bread. I love subs...it was a veggie on wheat with no cheese. It has spinach, tomato, cucumber, onion, bell pepper, banana pepper, Dijon, vinegar, and salt and pepper.

I tried the new SunChips but I only ate a couple. They tasted like pizza which makes sense I guess...cheese + tomato = pizza....but I didn't like them. I like the original, really. No need for flavors.

Honestly.

2010-10-10T15:51:00.003-04:00

Imma be real wit y'all: I'm sick of this shit.
What do you mean, Kittie?
Healthy bloggers.
What did they do to you?
Honestly, nothing. That's the damned thing. They are good people living heathy lives but I've started to cringe every time I see morning oats or kale chips. I shudder when I see running stats and I want to close the page when I read about healthified, veganized everything.
Why? Because I went from starving and restricting to trying to be just like them. I'm not like them and I'm tired of the ED part of me pressuring me to be. My ED figures a painfully structured, healthy diet is the only thing I can have other than starving.
My ED self also expects me to run.
Honestly, I hate running. I don't run. I never want to run. I don't even want to jog or get on a damned elliptical machine again. I like to bike. I do like biking. Biking is Kittie but Kittie can't be as good as other bloggers if she's biking, the has to run to compete but Kittie can't RUN. So what happens? Kittie feels like a failure. She feels like she isn't be "healthy and active."
Honestly, I'm so sick of oatmeal. I haven't eaten oatmeal or oat bran in two weeks.
Shamefully, I realized something this last week. I eat certain foods regularly just to fit in here.
What the hell? I shouldn't live like that. I'm always trying to fit into something. I want to fit into me. I want to be Kittie. I am Kittie. You know what else?
Honestly, I don't like nut butter. I don't like almonds, flavored or otherwise. I do like cashews and pecans at Christmas time. I HATE peanuts. HATE. Then why do I have six jars of nut butter? Obligation. I feel like I have to eat these foods to be like these blogging icons. It doesn't feel good to try to live up to something that you aren't.

So you may be wondering if this is just a Kittie rant, or if I'm actually getting somewhere with it. Both. The blog is going to change. I'm going to be showing you more of....Kittie. The real Kittie. Not ED Kittie (although that is real) and not the Kittie who tries to be like other bloggers. This is me. Also, I'm going to commit to blogging at least once a week. I know that doesn't sound like a lot but I have 12 hour days all week long and it just isn't possible for me to promise anything more than that.

You may see some things you've never seen on here. This shit is gonna get real, babies. I'm ready for change.

Show and Tell

2010-10-07T19:48:00.004-04:00

Um. So I did something....well, awesome.

What? You ask.

Well....why don't you just look.

It began with this:
And then something interesting happened to my coffee.
Milk.
And then ended with this:
That was a real pumpkin muffin and I ate it. It was not one of Kittie's "sugar free, fat free, flavor free safety muffins" but I ate it.

I mean look. It has cream cheese ICING.

The Real Deal

2010-10-02T20:52:00.009-04:00

Progress? Yeah...I'm making progress. I haven't weighed in a couple weeks but I can tell that since moving from 1,200 to 1,300 calories a day I've gained a little bit of weight. Not a lot. Basically just gained back the amount I have lost since moving back to school over a month ago. I know it's because my body was in starvation mode and now it's storing fat, in preparation to be starved again. So I have a choice a) starve because I'm afraid of gaining, do exactly what my body expects or b) I can keep eating amount closer to what I need and even though I'll gain initially, eventually my metabolism will adjust to a healthier rate for a healthier amount of food.

I'd be lying if I told you I didn't seriously consider option "a" but you know what?
I want to be healthy.
I want to eat Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter dinners without purging.
I want to eat things I used to love.
I want to eventually put the food scale back in the pantry and only take it out for measuring baking ingredients, not every single thing (including carrot sticks) that I eat.
And with that, I will say that I want to bake again.

Option "b," here I come. Get ready for some tears.

On to the eats. If you're reading this, I bet you are excited about the pumpkin. I will admit to buying pumpkin butter, two cans of pumpkin, and Kashi pumpkin spice granola bars. I will also admit that on my "Eating Goals" list is a pumpkin muffin from Einstein's Bagels, Pumpkin loaf from Starbucks, and a mini pumpkin pie blizzard from Dairy Queen. But the thing that really, really means the season is changing are these seductive little rubies:
The pomegranate. Lovingly referred to as "Pom" for short. This is my affair.
Quinoa mixed with lemon, garlic, basil, and TJ's Dried Pom seeds (not nearly as seductive) then topped with leftover marinated grilled tofu from the Wild Cow.

Summer fruit I can take or leave (besides blueberries but I prefer them frozen anyway) but Fall and Winter fruit...my mouth waters. do you need more proof?
The first Honeycrisp.
I love apples, I think they are my favorite fruit. I never get tired of them. My favorite is the gala.

My grandpa was hypoglycemic so he couldn't have sugar. Every single night after dinner he ate an apple by slicing it with his pocket knife. When I was little he would slice little pieces of it for me. He died when I was 13 but....I remember him when I eat apples. Actually, when I starved in high school I would eat only an apple in a whole day so for a while, apples meant starving. Now I can love them again and think of him. (I'm actually eating a red delicious right now, his apple of choice)

Unlike my grandpa, I can have sugar and I happen to enjoy one of the most debated, sugar-filled candies:
Candy corn. I picked this up a few weeks ago and I haven't opened it but I will. Promise. I have made some awesome progress, though.
I bet you didn't know that I love Cheetos. And I mean love. I used to eat the flaming hot cheetos every day with a cheese/tomato sandwich at school. I love them. I picked these up at TJ's.
And look, I ate them. They aren't sitting in the pantry, a haunting reminder of my ED. They are in my tummy. They weren't very hot, though. Maybe I'll make the leap and rekindle my love for the real deal?

You know what else is in my tummy?
Two of these.
I know I said I was making cookies this weekend, but I said that before I knew I would be out of town. So instead of two cookies, I had two almond butter cups. (pb cups trump cookies,
remember?)
I ate 'em while working on philosophy homework.
P.S. I almost wrote a disclaimer telling you I don't eat just junk food...then I realized it was only because I felt self conscious admitting to eating something like chocolate. I'm not ashamed, I'm proud. ED can't make me ashamed.