25 May 2010

Gollum Grub!

Now, I promised all my original recipes would be named with literary references. Here is the second, there are certainly more to come. This. is. GOLLUM GRUB!!!! (Instead of Sparta? Yes..)

Have you ever had what is often called a magic square? I was first introduced to these by the name 7-layer brownie when I was very very young at a local cafe that no longer exists. When I got a little older I had to learn to make them myself and I realized that most people call them magic squares or magic bars. These things are sinful. Well, I revamped the original recipe and made the entire thing salty/sweet themed instead of simply sweet, sweet, SWEET. Sometimes they make my throat feel funny, they are so sweet.
Why is this called Gollum Grub?
Look at it. It just reminds me of little Smeagol. Gollum would eat that. Your mother would eat that. Not that your mother is a writhing creature with bad grammar, I am only saying everyone will love this. Take it to a party. Take it to a LOTR movie marathon. (Just gave myself a party idea...) I wish I could have a LOTR reading marathon...

These are not vegan but I am including notes so that if one pleases, they may make them vegan.

1/2c Light Smart Balance
1 1/2c chocolate graham crackers (the Honey Maid ones are not vegan, they have honey in them, other than that they are. Oreo cookies sans cream or other hard chocolate cookies will be perfect.)
1 14oz can sweetened condensed milk (Veganize)
1c chocolate chips (Buy vegan.)
1c peanut butter cups (Buy vegan or make your own.)
2/3c crushed pretzels
2/3c flaked coconut
1/2c chopped peanuts
1/2c chopped pecans

Alright, now you have your vegan tips and I will go on.

For the crust I used Cat's Cookies from Trader Joe's. We don't have one around where I live but in February I went down to the nearest TJ's and picked up a big ol' bucket of these cat-shaped cookies. I would be blatantly lying to you if I said I did not buy these cookies because they are shaped like cats. That is exactly why I bought them. You may find that I love cats just as much as I love prose. Formula for cat lady? ohhhh yes. These are vegan unless the Internet lied to me. I'm pretty sure I read the label when I bought them and saw that they were. The TJ's Chocolate Graham Toucan cookies are vegan.
Now I said this trip took place in February...that was a while ago wasn't it? yes, yes it was and that is exactly why the remaining cookies were stale. Stale is not a problem here and I hate wasting food, so I put it to good use.

Now that I am done blabbing about vegan cookies, the recipe:
Preheat oven to 325 F

Line a 9x13in glass baking dish with aluminum foil. Please do this. You will thank me.

Line your kitties in a row or lay your cookie crumbles down. Gollum eats kitties. Well, he eats rabbits...raw.
I filled the gaps with crushed Cat's and pretzels.
Now melt up your Smart Balance or other butter-like substance and pourrrr it over the crumbles. Now aren't we decadent?
Crush up your pretzels and mix with the coconut, set aside.
Measure out your chocolate chips....
and your nuts. Chop the pb cups into little pieces. (You may want to freeze these a few minutes after chopping for cleaner handling.)
Pour half of your sweetened condensed milk or substitute over the crust.
Now, this is a layering game.
Make another layer. Pour on more sweetened condensed milk.
Layer some more.
I like to reserve some coconut and such to sprinkle on the top. It gets toasty and yummmm.
Now, if you are like me and like to decorate things, make yourself a little design with extra pretzels. I put a dab of the milk at the center of the "X" to keep it from rolling.

Bake it! 25 minutes
It will be ll melt-y and horribly sinful. Seriously, I'm pretty sure eating this will give you hairy palms but that shouldn't deter you.
Now, let it cool completely. Over night cooling may be best if you have impatient hands. You may cut these into squares or diamonds but if you do, individually wrap them or serve immediately. The syrupy-ness will ooze out and make them all stick to each other in a horrid mess.

This dish is seriously precious.ss.s...sss....ss. to me. ;)

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