28 September 2010

I Love Cookies

Okay, first I would like to say sorry!

I have been so busy that I barely sleep. Needless to say, I didn't have time to blog. I honestly don't even have any good pictures from the last week. I eat tons of sandwiches and salads. Overnight oats have been a must because I don't have time for anything else. With that being said, I'm going to get into why I began this post.

Cookies are probably my favorite dessert food in the entire world. Aside from peanut butter cups, cookies are number one (combine the two and you have a foodgasm.) But when's the last time you saw a cookie on here? I remember once. Twice actually because I split the one cookie in two. Sure, I bake cookies all the time...for other people. My dad always asks "Why do you bake cookies and not eat them?" "I baked them for you," Is always my reply. The truth?

I baked them to fill some sick void I have. Maybe baking them and smelling them and testing my willpower to it's utmost extent will somehow be like eating one. Because not eating one is just as satisfying as eating one. What? Okay...so I guess that's just what the ED part of me says. But she believes it.

The point of this? I want some damned cookies.
I'm fucking baking cookies this weekend.
Then what?
Then I'm eating not one, not a nibble, not the tiny one I made with leftover dough, but TWO warm cookies with a cool glass of almond milk.
Can I do it? I can. Am I scared? I am so scared. I'm terrified.
I haven't even breached 1,300 calories on any given day and I am still certain I'm gaining weight. I need to get my mind under control.
Will this help me gain control? I have no idea but we'll see.

I want to feel love for cookies again. They aren't evil.

1 comment:

  1. kittie, you're so right. I'm in love with baking cakes and making sweets, but I'm SO scared to eat just a little bite of it... It's a vicious cycle I just can break with purging as conclusion, but that's even worse... :/

    So, I wish you the strength to eat TWO warm cookies! ;) You can do it, and don't trust the voice saying you're gaining weight. That voice is telling you cr** ... nothing good.

    Love, Lina