28 January 2011

Four Weeks Without Sugar

Today is 28 days sugar free. I'm still not entirely sure about it.
  • Week one, nothing changed.
  • Week two was HORRID.
  • Week three was AMAZING.
  • This week? Ugh. Not good.

So basically, I'm bipolar and I just have to deal with it? I'm not satisfied with that answer. I do think that I have controlled some aspects of mood by doing this. I will say that I like how I feel physically. No crashes, no cravings.

I'm going to remain mostly sugar free but I will experiment with being less strict. Now that I have completely detoxed, I want to see how different forms of sugar affect me. I will be working with agave, honey, brown rice syrup and the like. I like that I don't crave sweets now so I probably still won't eat them very often.


26 January 2011

On the Daily

I want to do a post of what I eat regularly. I did my "sugar-free day" post but I haven't talked about my eating habits in a while. Why? Honestly, because I have made so much progress that I hardly think about it anymore. (Alright, so that may be a lie but it certainly doesn't come up in my thoughts while blogging.)

I have come from eating under 500 calories a day, to eating 500 calories a meal. That. Is. Huge.
I honestly don't know how many calories I eat per day. I do KNOW the exact calorie count of each item I eat simply because I remember but I'm not counting anymore. That took MONTHS and has only really held in the past month. I'm not going to tell you how many calories I consume in a day now because I refuse to count them, I'm sorry. But you will be able to SEE the change.

I have made it from this to what you are about to see. I wouldn't even allow myself to spread jam on the whole piece of bread for a PBJ. Now I lay on as much as I want (even if it is sugar free/fruit juice sweetened.)

I documented an ordinary day to show how far I have come.
6:30 AM
I start with a cup of 1/2 caf coffee or hot tea.
7:00 AM
For breakfast I have oatmeal or cereal and fruit (mixed in).
(I added pears to my coca oats as elk suggested. So good!)

11:30 AM-1:00 PM
(depending on classes that day.)
For lunch I usually have a salad or sandwich. (PBJ or veggies and cheese on whole wheat.)
I like something salty/crunchy such as pretzels or chips.I pair tons of veggies with my sandwiches.
I like to eat salads with a protein like cottage cheese or yogurt and a carb/grain.

3:30-4:00 PM
I have a midday snack that is usually completely random.
I enjoy nuts.
Or carrot sticks covered in PB.
Sometimes a naturally sweet Larabar (when I can afford.)
And we all know how much I love nori.

6:00-7:00 PM (depending on what time my snack wears off)
Dinner is usually a bowl of random. I like hot dinners and they require a few key components:
  • Vegetables
  • Protein
  • Grain
I realize this pretty much goes for any meal, but I think about it more for dinner.
I often have a carb-y vegetable such as a potato or squash with dinner.
I think you need a closer look of that delicious caramelization.

I simply roast these cut side down with some olive oil for 30-45 minutes on 425F.

Paired with a grain:
Vegetables, and protein:
Spinach, broccoli, mushrooms, marinara sauce, nooch, parm, and black eyed peas.

I've come a such a long way. I have earned my health back. Honestly, I'm so proud and happy.

21 January 2011

Call me The Count

...Chocula, that is.

Since going sugar free, I haven't had any chocolate. None. For THREE WEEKS!!!! D: This is not cool. I needed to remedy it but all the store bought chocolate contains some sort of sugar!

Well, it's a good thing I'm a genius. Okay, maybe not, but I do love my oatmeal....and chocolate....and I'm a baker...I hope you see where this is going.
Chocolate oats!!!! I mixed in 1.5 Tbsp of unsweetened cocoa powder to my oats before cooking then sprinkled more on top.
Of course, I added chocolate's best friend....peanut butter! (And some sunflower seed butter.)
(1/2 caf) Coffee + Chocolate (oats) = Love.

I was taking a picture of this super cute shirt I've had for about a millennium.....
when I realized I haven't shown you the tattoos I got in December.
Better late than never?
An ellipsis and an infinity lemniscate. (The owl is not new, in case you are new to the blog.)

The ellipsis is for my continuous, life-long education. The lemniscate is for the never-ending nature of our universe.

(Okay, it's probably not ACTUALLY un-ending but I will be gone and this tattoo will have been long decayed and then scorched billions of Earth years before the projected end...so whatever ;] )

20 January 2011

Wake up Happy

This morning something amazing happened. I woke up happy.
Say what?
When I crawled out of bed in the frigid AM, I was happy.
What does that mean?
Sadly enough it means that I wasn't already depressed or at least apathetic. Most days I wake up dreading the day, feeling unsuccessful, useless, ect. It passes. No, it just fades into the background and I take the hours as they come.
Today I was happy. All day.

I'm amazed, thrilled, and utterly surprised. I'm surprised because it wasn't circumstantial. Nothing made me feel good, I just did. This is something that never, ever happens in the book of Kittie. Things happened today that would usually throw me off my course. I remained stable. The weather is wretched (rain to sleet to snowstorm in three hours) and I'm swamped with work but I feel good.

Notice that I said I feel good. I didn't say that I felt "great." Why? Because it isn't manic. This isn't a manic up, that feels different. This is just....happiness?

Anyhow, let's get into some food, shall we?

I like sandwiches. I like things that sprout out of the ground. I combined them and made the most delicious lunch I've had in a while.
Whole wheat seeded bread (from a local bakery), Swiss cheese, cucumber, pickles. lettuce, homemade pesto (!), avocado (!!!). Amaze.

Okay...you all know I'm weird, right? Well, with that in mind try not to be disgusted by my weirdness....
That would be a peanut butter banana sandwich...with a mustard-dipped pretzel shoved in it. I would try to defend myself, but honestly...I combine strange things and I'm proud. (ifyouwerewondering the spice of the mustard cuts the sweetness of the PBB perfectly while the salt of the pretzel brings out the flavors and adds crunch...)

Okay, this plate....it does make me happy. ;)
Woodland creatures!
I filled it with goods from the cafeteria.
(That red stuff was supposed to be ratatouille....which I love....but it tasted like a can of stewed tomatoes...NOT the same. Also, there was no garlic. That is a major ratatouille foul.)

18 January 2011


My brain is bouncing between The Five Ages of the Universe, this Keats poem, and the Holy Bible (say what, Kittie? I thought you were an Athiest. I am. I'm also and English major with a great interest in philosophy and religion.)

I keep looking at the Kitchen Space tab I have open and think it's the Spacetime tab I have open. I just finished editing something for my tech writing class so I want to type "Space Time" but the scientists have their ways and the majority prefer sans space. Well....with space the word, and the concept of space, but absent of space, the typographical void between words. If you can't tell, My brain is puking, I'm back in full school mode, I eat fast food.

Not that kind of fast food (although I do love me some Taco Bell. Cheap, easy, vegan. Hell yeah.) I mean food that is easily consumed while sitting at a desk working.
  • carrots
  • peppers
  • cucumbers
  • celery
  • pretzels
  • DIPZ!
This is lunch many days. Or I grab a salad in a box from the food court.
I like to pair it with an easy to grab yogurt (all the sugar in this comes from fruit) and pretzels....I'm still pacing myself through those three bags (they would not usually last this long!)
Sandwiches and veggies pair perfectly together and work well when I have a few minutes to assemble lunch.
Proof that I eat Taco Bell.
(Also known as the geniuses who put salsa verde in a packet.)
Mini update:
I am feeling much better than I was last Friday. I passed the two week mark and it wasn't easy but I seem to be stabilizing. It's only been a few days so I can't be certain about that. I shall keep you informed.

14 January 2011

How is that sugar-free thing going?

I have been sugar free for two weeks today. The results aren't what I was hoping for.

I don't usually eat sugar very often (1 serving of sweets every 2-3 days) but now I'm not eating it at all and this has been my mood:
  • On-edge
  • Easily set off
  • TONS of unusual crying
  • Depression
  • Tiredness
  • Anxiety
I haven't noticed a single IMPROVEMENT in my mood or energy.

This isn't me. This is the Kittie I used to know. This time has made me realize that I wasn't that bad off. I remember now that I can be much worse.

I'm giving it 14 more days. If I don't improve, I'm stopping.

I also appear to have lost some weight. That was NOT a goal of mine but this IS an update, so there you go.

13 January 2011

Remember when I had a food blog?

Oh yeah, I still do...and because I still do, I really should post some food.

You want to see some purple tinted oats in a jar?
There you go. Loaded with blueberries.
Purple from blueberry juice.
Too much AB in one place. (Did I just say that??)
You know what else I like that is blue? Blue corn tortilla chips.
They're a little too salty....okay, they burn my lips but I have always been sensitive to salty chips. I can't even eat Lay's potato chips. I can't taste anything because my mouth burns so much. At least I can taste these. They are nice and nutty in flavor. The ingredients are also wonderful. Real, organic ingredients.

They pair nicely with salads....
Or quesadillas......
Greek Yogurt makes for wonderful sour cream substitute.
Shakespeare makes for great light reading.
Stripes make me look like a mime.
And red jeans match my hair.

09 January 2011

This Feeling...

There is this feeling that girls (and boys) with my...ailments have. It's a painful emptiness. Not of the stomach but of the body. It's in the mind and the hole feeds on itself. I can usually feel it coming on. When I do, I occupy my mind with books or essays until it passes. Sometimes it surprises me. Yesterday it surprised me. The worst of it can last from 12 hours to 12 days....in certain cases even 12 wretched months.
I know I'm not alone in any way. I have people who love me. There are others out there who can understand me. Sometimes I just don't have a reason to get out of bed. Worse than that, sometimes I can't make myself GO to bed. The nightmares aren't worth the sleep but staying awake means I have to suffer through it. Suffering either way....the bed looks like a trap, it laughs at me.At this time, when the pillow mocks and my mind churns, I cannot read. I cannot write. It is too late. It has already consumed me and I must allow it to pass over me like a violent wave in the ocean. At this time, I hate living in my body. This is not related to ED. It is so much different. I hate myself, I hate my mind.
I have to change myself. I need to transform this wretched body into anything else. There are two things I do most commonly. The first is my desperate attempt to find endorphins. I won't go into the bloody details because I'm here to talk about the second.
I dye my hair in the early AM. I've done it for years. Since I was about 12 years old. I do it because I need to change. I don't do it because I like the color I'm making it. I do it because I hate the one I naturally have. I hate it because it is a part of me. I have to become something else.

So now my hair is bright red....all because of one sleepless night.

08 January 2011

Give me something to read.

I want new blogs to read. I'm growing weary of marathons, RDs and oats. I love fashion blogs, humor blogs, even any web comics you may wish to suggest.

Most importantly, I would love to see YOUR blogs. Those of you who hide behind the screen and never comment, comment! I'll check your blog out, I promise. I always check out the blogs of my subscribers and commenters!

I would also like to thank those of you who have stuck with me through my ups and downs of blogging. I know I haven't been consistent but I am working to improve!

More frequent blogs will probably mean some shorter blogs, some wordless blogs, and some word-only blogs (such as this one.)

Thank you beautiful readers!


04 January 2011

A Day Without Sugar

One may wonder what I eat. You know what I don't eat: meat, (most) dairy, refined sugar, refined flour. What does that leave? Since I haven't done an entire day of food post in a while I figured I would. Here we go:

Unsweetened pumpkin blueberry oats with pecans and 0% Fage.
Salad with salt, pepper, garlic powder, and dried basil.
Veggie soup with vegan grilled cheese.
This tasted like Sonic onion rings. No joke. I don't know the last time I had them but the taste was spot on. 'Twas curious.

Mixed fruit with coconut. (I forgot that the coconut was sweetened. I buy unsweetened but my dad had this kind. Oh well.)

Salad with salt and pepper.
1/4 roasted acorn squash, red beans, black eyed peas, 0% Fage.

Plus a few almonds here and there.

You may also wonder why I opt for vegan choices in most cases but eat Greek yogurt. It is because lactose makes my stomach hurt but GY does not. I can tolerate it just fine and it is a good source of protein for a vegetarian.